Narcissists in the Workplace

Narcissists in general are not easy to spot. It is highly likely you have encountered a narcissist at work, school, or church, etc. They operate covertly in public and overtly at home when they can allow their mask to fall. This lets you know, yes – they know what they are doing, they know whom to abuse, and they know when to do it. In the workplace, a narcissistic coworker may be insensitive, self-important, and egotistical. Working with a narcissist is distressing and can be disparaging to an employee’s mental health and career path.

The workplace is enamored with narcissistic executives, managers, and team members whose exaggerated sense of self and overly ambitious nature has propelled them to leadership positions in the workforce.

“Narcissism is partially about dominance. They make themselves feel big by making other people feel small,” Seth Spain says. In other words, belittling you at a meeting or sending a scathing email is more about feeding their ego than providing feedback.” Seth Spain, Binghamton University

You may recognize them on social media platforms, in the office, or break area, doing what they do best – operating in confusion and discord. For example, have you seen a LinkedIn post and the comments are generally positive? Then here comes this one person that responds condescendingly or acts as if they cannot understand a relatively simple concept? (There is always one). They crave attention whether negative or positive. My rule of thumb: do not engage with antagonistic people online, particularly those that can be removed from my life with the click of a button. Don’t feed the narcs.

Listed below are a few signs of narcissism in the workplace:

• Narcs love to name-drop and appear more self-confident than they are inside. Narcissists are extremely insecure, toxic, and damaged – although they project an image of self-assuredness. They have a seared conscious; pride and deep shame prevent them from feeling remorse, guilt, and sincerely apologizing. They lie, cheat, steal, and step on others to get ahead in efforts to gain more power and prestige. They do not see anything wrong with their actions. People are simple means to an end. When their goal is achieved, they discard until they need supply or assistance.

• Whether male or female, Black or White, young or old, narcissists seek to control, dominate, and manipulate others to achieve their goals. This is done through triangulation, gaslighting, intimidation, word salad, circular conversations, and crazymaking.

• Narcissists love gossiping and belittling others in covert ways to undermine and your ruin reputation. Their goal is to feel superior by putting others down.

• Narcissistic managers may micromanage you and your work. They want constant updates, access to you at all times, and will undermine your work.

• They like to hear themselves talk and crave to be the center of attention. They talk but rarely listen. Narcs are charming. Non-narcissistic people listen to others to find common ground, even though they may not agree. Listening requires being selfless and empathetic, which is the one thing a narcissist can never be. They pretend to care as long as you are a top performer who feeds their ego or makes them shine.

• There is little regard for your time and work efforts. Narcissist managers hold meetings any time they see fit and for however long they want to keep you. Your time is not important. They are reluctant to give credit but will take recognition for your work, all while sabotaging your reputation.

• In a narc’s mind, rules are for mere mortals, not for them. They cannot be bogged down with superfluous rules. They behave unethically in duplicitous ways and if you challenge them you will be ostracized or outcast. It is never a good idea to engage in unscrupulous behavior with a narcissist or follow unethical instructions. Narcs want your hands dirty too. This can and will be used against you later. If anything goes left, trust and believe you will take the fall as the designated scapegoat.

• Narcissists love when you fear them or when you don’t stand up for yourself. Being afraid simply reinforces their perceived power. They seek highly tolerant, enabling, self-sacrificing, and people-pleasing employees. People respect those they cannot disrespect. If anything goes left, trust and believe you will take the fall as the designated scapegoat.

Knowledge is power. You know the signs. Please understand their behavior has nothing to do with you. It is simply who they have chosen to become. If you were to peel back the onion, chances are they have left a trail of destruction. Regardless of how successful, materialistic, or powerful a narc may appear, they never live a truly satisfying life. They are tormented souls who have made a willing choice to live an unrepentant, self-centered life. Narcs need narcissist supply like we need air. They always have flying monkeys and “yes men” (enablers) around them. Conduct a self-check to make sure you are healthy, healed, and not enabling bad behavior. An unhealed person is prey to a predator. Set firm boundaries, document interactions when needed, and arm yourself with information on how to interact with narcissistic people. Stand strong and do not operate in the spirit of fear. And remember, do not feed or fear the narcs – even in the workplace. #narcfreeliving