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Bri: A Domestic Abuse Survivor’s Story
Listen here: https://www.spreaker.com/user/12992213/10-21-20-bris-story-with-shannon-savoy
As part of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Narc Free Living is giving survivors a platform to share their stories. Listen to a beautiful young ladies’ story of how she found herself in a domestic abuse & a narcissistic marriage – and what she is doing today to overcome.
Bri, thank you for sharing this deeply personal story. It is never easy for a survivor to come forward. Thank you for being obedient to God’s instruction. It is our prayer that this message, your story, goes far by the grace of God. We pray for continued healing through Yeshua and that Yahweh continues to get the glory in your story. We pray that sharing your story helps someone understand that abuse and love do not coexist. If it helps just one person understand they can make it out, sharing your story is not in vain.
How does abuse start?
What are the signs?
Can you recognize the red flags?
Do you know the tactics of abusers?
Listen to join the discussion.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25
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Selling Local: The Sales Rebellion Podcast
Are you ready to leave everything that is familiar to step out on faith to find you?
I had the great pleasure of joining Dale Dupree & Chris Watson on The Sales Rebellion podcast. Join us as we discuss narcissism in leaders, sales, & marketing teams. There are so many nuggets that everyone can relate to!
What keeps people stuck?
Fear is what keeps people stay stuck in dead-end careers, relationships, & situationships.
Fear of the unknown is greater than leaving a situation that is a sinking ship.
People want security and the illusion of false security. They prefer to stay in what is comfortable and familiar.
Are you willing to walk away from the false sense of security to walk the path that God has for you?
Security is not found in a cush job with the corner office. It is not found in marriage, money, status, a relationship, or being surrounded by friends.
True security is found in walking out on faith and trusting God day by day.
Are you willing to walk away from everything to find Jesus Christ?
Are you the Scapegoat?
Do you feel oppressed from day to day?
If you want to understand why people stay stuck, listen to the conversation here. You won’t be disappointed!
Please listen on iTunes or Spotify link below.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6haOEq82w0Hdal8T07IwWX?si=AdKzuUvZRACipPIitFakWg
Or, search for the Selling Local Podcast – Episode is called A Heart for Helping Women, a Warrior, and Narc Free Living in any of your favorite podcast players.
And if you just want to hear the latest episode, click the link and scroll down! New episodes arrive every Tuesday & Thursday.
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Shop with us. Your Support Helps Us Give Back!
We are our brothers & sisters keepers!
Proceeds help us to give back to survivors of domestic abuse and support our outreach programs. Stay tuned! We’ll be updating how donations and proceeds help support our less fortunate brethren, as well as, those going through a particularly hard time in their lives.
“If there be among you a poor man of one of thy brethren within any of thy gates in thy land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not harden thine heart, nor shut thine hand from thy poor brother.” Deuteronomy Chapter 15:7
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Domestic Violence in Childhood: A Survivor’s Story
As part of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Narc Free Living is giving survivors a platform to share their stories.
Listen here! https://www.spreaker.com/user/12992213/moremi-radio-broadcast-10-07-2020-shanno
The broadcast aired live on Dr. Moremi’s Radio Show on Big Gospel Xpress WBGX Chicago 1570 AM.
A Survivor’s Story
The story read is from a young man who has the courage and the strength to share his story. He witnessed his mother physically and psychologically abused at the hands of his father. The abuse affected him throughout his life in many ways, until he awakened to the fact that there was a better way to live.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is most commonly thought of as intimate partner violence, but can also include violence or abuse from a family member.
The term “intimate partner violence” includes the following acts as inflicted or caused by a current or former intimate partner: it is not limited to physical abuse!
- Actual or threats of physical violence
- Actual or threats of sexual violence
- Emotional or psychological abuse (e.g., verbal abuse, constant arguing, cheating, neglecting emotional needs, name-calling, or putdowns)
- Stalking (e.g., excessive calls/texts/emails, monitoring daily activities, using technology to track a person’s location)
- Financial abuse (e.g., withholding money, stealing from, ruining credit, stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job)
Domestic violence includes emotional abuse. It is NOT only physical abuse. Abuse is damaging pathologically, psychologically, and physiologically. It damages those who experience it firsthand AND those who bear witness to the abuse.
Abuse changes you.
Children who witness abuse are survivors too.
To this young man, THANK YOU. Thank you for having the courage, to tell the truth, and to share your experience. We hope others understand the impacts of witnessing, hearing, or knowing that your parent or loved one is abused has on profound effects on children, in particular. Children need security. Abuse in ANY FORM includes incessant arguing – a form of emotional abuse. A volatile home threatens a child’s sense of security and alters their life’s path. Recovery is possible!
Men need safe spaces too.
Many have been abused sexually, emotionally, psychologically, physically, and will never release that account. It is buried too deep. The shame and guilt of abuse are not yours to bear. I pray that you find a licensed therapist to help you unpack what happened to you. There is healing in transparency and allowing God to heal you from the inside out. You are not the person that you have the potential to become as long as you live in silence & secrecy.
Abuse is debilitating to all involved.
I pray that those in abusive situations understand that staying in a two-parent home, “for the sake of the children”, that is abusive will impact your child/children in ways that you cannot begin to understand. Turn to God and ask Him for a way of escape. You do not deserve the abuse and your children do not deserve their parent being abused. God does not want anyone abused. That is not God’s plan for your life. Trust in Him to be your provider. He IS Jehovah Jireh.
If you are an abuser, albeit emotionally, verbally, spiritually, sexually, financially, psychologically – MAN or WOMAN – turn from your wicked ways. Abusers and narcissists may fool everyone around them, but they cannot fool God. He will not be mocked. Those who turn a blind eye and enable abusers will be held accountable for their inaction as well.
Abusers are on a path to hell as they will not see the Kingdom of Heaven God unless you accept Jesus Christ. You must be born again. Ask God to come into your heart. Admit that you need His help to live righteously. Repent and turn from your evil ways. You may believe you are getting away with abuse, however, Jehovah God sees & knows ALL. He will judge accordingly. Repent and turn from evil.
Break the chains!
God’s Word on abuse.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind. Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Psalm 11:5 The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.
Proverbs 22:10Drive out a scoffer and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.
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Childhood Trauma : A Son’s Story of Survival
As part of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to kick off giving survivors a platform to share their stories.
The story that I read is from a young man who has the courage and the strength to share his story.
Go here to listen to the full story: https://www.facebook.com/551257378/videos/pcb.10157771877492379/10157771874412379/
Witnessing his mother abused affected him throughout his life in many ways – until he was awakened that there was a better way. Abuse has such damaging pathological, psychological, and physiological damaging effects on the abused and those who witness it. ABUSE CHANGES YOU. To this young man, THANK YOU. Thank you for having the courage, to tell the truth, and to share your experience. Others need to understand the impacts that witnessing, hearing, or knowing that your parent or loved one is being abused has on the children, in particular. Children need security. Abuse in ANY FORM, arguing, and a volatile home threatens their sense of security and alters their life’s path.
Men need safe spaces too. Many have been abused sexually, emotionally, psychologically, physically, and will never release that account. It is buried too deep. For situations like that, I pray that you find a licensed therapist to help you unpack what happened to you. You are not the person that you have the potential to become as long as you live in silence & secrecy. I pray that those in abusive situations – with or without children – understand that staying in a two-parent home that is abusive will impact your child/children in ways that you cannot begin to understand.
Turn to God and ask Him for a way of escape. You do not deserve the abuse and your children do not deserve their parent being abused. That is not God’s plan for your life. If you are an abuser, albeit emotionally, verbally, spiritually, sexually, financially, psychologically – MAN or WOMAN turn from your wicked ways. God will deal with you accordingly. You may believe you are getting away with abuse, however, Jehovah God sees & knows ALL. He will judge accordingly. Repent and turn from evil.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Psalm 11:5 The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. Proverbs 22:10 Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.
Break the chains. #narcfreeliving
Photo Credit: Brian D’Cruz Hypno Plus
Past usage of the image can be seen in the records on Wayback Machine
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Shannon & LaRhonda Discuss Narcissistic Abuse
LaRhonda and Shannon take an in-depth look into narcissism from a spiritual perspective.
How does one become a narcissist?
Do narcissists abuse their children?
What are the signs of a narcissistic relationship?
Do narcissists know they are narcissists?
What does a narcissistic family look like?
Can narcissists change narcissists?
Does the forgiveness process as a Christ Follower mean that I must stay in contact with abusers or toxic family?
We have all encountered narcissists, whether we are aware of them or not.
Not all narcissists physically abuse but all abusers ARE narcissists.
Join the conversation today! We get real candid in this interview. You do not want to miss it!
Don’t forget to LIKE – don’t lurk! Join the discussion and leave a comment.
What was your experience with a narcissist?
Do you know the signs?
We do not have to be in relationships with demonic people. Narcissists embody the spirit of Satan through the spirit of Jezebel, Leviathan, and Python spirits. Get away from those who show they are operating in these spirits. You are not angry, or bitter for choosing to have No Contact with toxic and manipulative spirited people. Protect yourself. Narcissists are inherently evil and choose to be this way. Pray from a distance.
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Married To a Narcissist & How I Got Out
A Snippet of My Testimony
I have the pleasure of speaking on Dr. Moremi’s radio show “Taking A Look At Calvary” in Chicago on Big Gospel Express 1570 AM. We are on-air live from 10:30-11:00 AM CST on Wednesdays. Please tune in if you are in the Chicago area. I will upload the broadcast weekly here as well.
On last week’s show (September 23rd) I discussed how I found myself married to a narcissist. I also discuss how I left. Sharing my testimony is the perfect segway to National Domestic Violence Awareness Month which begins Oct 1. I want to inspire others to have faith and trust in God. Our faith is not in any man but in Jesus Christ. Domestic Violence affects all races, ethnicities, socio-economical, backgrounds, both men and women. It does absolutely does not discriminate.
Domestic Violence Statistics
Each year on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. 1:3 women and 1:4 men will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime. Those are very high statistics. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse. It is not limited to intimate partners. Parents abuse. Children abuse. Spouses abuse. Partners abuse. Coworkers abuse. Yes, so-called “pastors” and “Christians” abuse. Abuse comes in many forms and many sources. These are the numbers for the cases that are REPORTED. Many more go unreported.
Let’s Raise Awareness
Narc Free Living LLC is raising awareness to help bring an end to this debilitating and isolating form of abuse. We also strive to help others recognize all forms of abuse. We are more than conquerors through Christ!
We want to show our support for domestic violence survivors. Survivors should not bear the guilt & shame of abuse. When you are ready and able to, please feel free to share your testimony. Let’s help to change the narrative. (And if you are not ready, that it is totally ok:) There is no guilt, shame, or condemnation. Know that God does not want anyone abused, no matter who it is. Love and abuse do not coexist.
Feel free to share how you overcame abuse, left an abusive relationship, narcissistic family/friendship, and/or what steps you are taking to heal. Abuse is not something that we “just get over” or “forgive and let it go.” Healing is a deeply personal, lifelong journey. Forgiveness is one thing and healing is a whole other one. Just because someone forgives does not mean they have healed. Everyone’s story, recovery, healing processes are different. I will send a special gift to (at least) the first 10. (Gift is sent to those in the continental U.S.)
If you would like to share your story, please send them & I’ll share it on Narc Free Living LLC. (Names can be omitted if so desired.)
Send your info or story to:
Email: support@narcfreeliving.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/narcfreelivingllc/
FB: https://m.facebook.com/narcfreelivingllc/
#breakthechains #narcfreeliving
God bless you!
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Are You Codependent?
What is codependency?Let’s discuss the spirits behind codependency and how to overcome them.Fear, rejection, and abandonment are the primary spirits behind codependency.Codependency is a learned behavior and defense mechanism, most often found in those that grew up in a home that was emotionally unhealthy. A codependent essentially gives themselves, their self-worth, to maintain relationships with others. Codependents learned early on to people please, overachieve, (in some cases) underachieve, & put themselves last in order to receive breadcrumbs of “love.” Narcissistic or unavailable parents teach their children to “just be happy & grateful” with the bare minimum emotionally. This creates a self-love void & deficit.Codependents fall for narcissists because they love bombs and pretend to give the love that the codependent did not receive in childhood or adulthood. In the initial stages, narcissists give codependents the validation that they have never received. It all seems so new, exhilarating, and like something out of a fairy tale because it is something that the codependent or empath has never received from anyone else. The narcissist and the codependent are both in search of time, attention, and unconditional love.In narcissistic homes, love is conditional and based on performance, so codependents learn to take basic scraps of “love.” When narcissists come along, they overload the codependent’s senses with false love. The codependent does not really know who they are yet and does not know true love either, so they believe the narcissist when he/she tells them they are their “soulmate.”The codependent operates in self-love deficient and fear rejection & abandonment, as they were taught to put themselves and suppress any emotions that they feel in order to be the family’s savior & scapegoat. Codependents feel a need to save everyone because this was the role given to them by narcissistic parents. They repeat the broken bird syndrome, falsely believing they can be the ones to save the narcissist. They must hold on to hope that the narc can change. Codependents falsely believe that their unrequited love and all they have done financially and emotionally for the narc will be repaid. (It will not.)Neither the codependent nor the narcissist really knows what love is. Codependents believe that love and abuse can coexist. They are familiar with the silent treatment and cannot handle it when the narc does this because it makes them panic inside at the thought of losing what they believe is love.Signs of a codependent person:
◉ Weak or no boundaries. Let’s guard down and allows a narcissistic person to impede on boundaries in order to maintain the relationship.◉ Inability to say “No” and play the role of peacekeeper or middle man.◉ Never feels good enough.◉ Continuously attracts narcissists in interpersonal relationships. Overlooks red flags to appease and gain “love.”◉ Experienced sexual, emotional, or physical abuse in child or adulthood.◉ Separation anxiety when separated from a partner or loved one, even for a short time.◉ Parents partner. There is an imbalance in the relationship. (For example, women who take on a caregiver and provider role of the husband or significant other. Women who do not mind being the “man” or dominant partner in the home. It can also be men who were emasculated by their narcissistic mother and seek women who will take care of them.)◉ Do not know who you are outside of a relationship & become enmeshed in the relationship. Feels as if they cannot be without the partner. A codependent may feel as though the world would end if the relationship ends or feels hopeless.◉ Stays in abusive relationships even to your detriment or when your spouse or partner has shown you they truly do not love you. A codependent feels as if they are abandoning an abusive family member, spouse, or partner if they go No Contact.Ways to break the generational patterns and cycle of codependency:
Know that you can cast out codependent traits and recover! Jesus Christ conquered all on the cross.◉ Acknowledge the dysfunction, often found in your family of origin. This is vital to healing. Find the root.◉ Ask God to heal you and take responsibility for your healing. It is an ongoing, continuous healing process.◉ Let go of the guilt and shame! Codependents live in a HIGH level of guilt that keeps them in the cycle of abuse. Do not fall for the guilt trips of manipulative people. Begin to notice how guilt is used in your family and relationship to keep you in line and giving in to their requests.◉ Learn to be happy with God and yourself. God may have you in a single or season of isolation to unlearn these behaviors and relearn about Him and yourself so that you can heal.◉ Counseling and prayer!◉ Reparent yourself. Give yourself the love that you did not receive growing up or from the toxic relationship.
◉Understand that you will recycle the experience until the cycles and issues are addressed head-on.Understand that you will recycle the experience until the cycles and issues are addressed head-on.Do not look to others to validate you. Love you and how God made you.You are so worthy. He did not make you to be abused by others.Let’s break those chains of narcissist abuse!
Who the Son sets free is true indeed. John 8:36Break the Chains of Narcissist Abuse! -
Take A Stand: Flying Monkeys & Enabling
Sometimes you just have to let people know where you stand. We stand on God’s Word. We stand on the side of survivors. We stand with & support survivors telling their stories so they can heal. We cannot heal from what we do not acknowledge.
Do not stand with narcissistic people, or flying monkeys, regardless if they are “family or friends”.
Do not stand with those that automatically take the side of an abuser with no regard for the truth.
Do not stand with those that play the middle because they are cowards & they fail to hold narcissists accountable for their actions or let them know when they are wrong.
Do not stand with those that enable, coddle, stand by, or turn a blind eye quietly while someone is abused. We do not play the middle man and we do not sit quietly without asking questions. Nope. Nada. Not here. Not ever. Not today and certainly not tomorrow.
“He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the LORD.”
Proverbs 17:15 (KJV)
“Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.”
Proverbs 31:9 KJV
“Blessed is he that considereth the poor (weak): the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble.”
Psalms 41:1 KJV
Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, and please the widow’s cause,” (Isaiah 1:17).
If you are enabling abuse, make no mistake, God will judge accordingly. Repent. Support survivors and do not enable abusers by proxy.
Break the chains of narcissist abuse!
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Do Not Stress About The Smear Campaign
Some people believe the narcissist’s pathological lies about you. The smear campaign, the lies about you being “crazy” – when in reality it is the narcissist who is insane due to the many demonic spirits dwelling on the inside of them. Jezebel & her henchmen spirits are actually running the show. The person who believes the narcissist does not understand the spirits behind the seemingly “nice” person that has everyone fooled. They cannot discern the spirits controlling the person.
What seemed like rejection was God’s protection against what is coming. Soon God will expose the lies told against you. He will make your enemies your footstool – make no mistake about it.
Listed below are examples of enablers and flying monkeys:
*They do not call or reach out to you when you are isolated by the narcissist.
*They reach out in defense of the narcissist.
*They reach out saying, “Oh just forgive & let it go”. LET THEM GO.
*They cozy up to the narcissist & fail to discern the spirit.
*They listen & entertain the lies told in the smear campaign.
*They do not show support.
Ahhh….but that’s not your problem anymore because no matter who believed you, regardless of who stood with you, or who did not – it is all by design. The fallout ALWAYS happens with a narcissist and you will lose people that you love. Pray from a distance.
Sometimes, we too can be misled by Jezebel, Ahab, or any other demonic spirits. When this happens make things right and apologize for your ignorance in the matter. Forgive yourself. The narcissist has a lifetime of perfecting their craft. The strongman spirits dwelling in them are strong, manipulative, & covert. Anyone can be fooled without the Holy Spirit. Do not allow the enemy to destroy a relationship that can be salvaged with communication, forgiveness, and accountability.
I repaired relationships where I was under Jezebel’s influence. At the time, I believed the enemy’s lies. When I began to discern the spirit and look at the patterns – not the words – God revealed the truth of who the person really was and what spirit they were operating under. I reached out and apologized to the other person to make things right. God will prepare hearts if the relationship is meant to be repaired. Likewise, if someone wants to believe the enemy’s lies and stay in the dark about who someone is – shake the dust off your feet and keep it moving. Jezebel reveals herself self sooner or later.
The good thing is now you discern through the power of the Holy Spirit who is who & where people stand. Sit back in peace, be obedient to His Word, and watch God work.
“The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou at my right hand until I make thine enemies thy footstool. The Lord shall send the rod of thy strength out of Zion: rule thou in the midst of thine enemies.” Psalms 110:1-2
